Tuesday, March 11, 2008

Men Shorts :-)

* How do you scare men? - Sneak up behind him and start throwing rice

* What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying? - The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.

* Why is the book "Women Who Love Too Much" a disappointment for men? - No phone numbers.

* Why is psychoanalysis a lot quicker for a man than a woman? - Because when it's time to go back to childhood, he's already there.

* How many men does it take to pop popcorn? - Three - one to hold the pan and two others to show off and shake the stove.

* How many men to change a light bulb? Two, one to change the bulb and one to collect the medal.

* How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper? - We don't know - it's never happened.

Q. What do you call a man who's lost 95% of his brain?
A. A widower.

* What do you call a handcuffed man? - Trustworthy.

* What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name? - You didn't hold the pillow down long enough.

* How are husbands like lawn mowers? - They're hard to get started, they emit noxious odors, and half the time they don't work.

* How does a man show he's planning for the future? - He buys two cases beer instead of one.

* What's the difference between Big Foot and an intelligent man? - Big Foot's been spotted several times.

* What's the smartest thing a man can say? - "My wife says..."

* What is the quickest way to a man's Heart ??? - Through his chest with a sharp knife.......

Q. Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
A. Breasts don't have eyes.

* My secret fantasy is to have two men at the same time....
One cooking and one cleaning.

Q: How can you tell when a man is well hung?
A: When you can just barely slip your finger in between his neck and the noose.

Q: How do men define a "50/50" relationship?
A: We cook -- they eat; we clean -- they dirty; we iron -- they wrinkle.

Q: How is Colonel Sanders like the typical male?
A: All he's concerned with is legs, breasts and thighs.

Q: How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: ONE .........He just holds it up there and waits for the world to revolve around him.

Q: What do most men consider a gourmet restaurant?
A: Any place without a drive-up window.

* How many honest, intelligent, caring men in the world does it take to do the dishes? - Both of them.

* Why don't women blink during foreplay? - They don't have time.

* How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper? - We don't know; it has never happened.

* Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and good looking? - They all already have boyfriends.

* What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night? - A widow.

* When do you care for a man's company? - When he owns it.

* How are men and parking spots alike? - Good ones are always taken. Free ones are mostly handicapped or extremely short.

* What is that insensitive bit at the base of the penis called? - The man.

* What do you instantly know about a well-dressed man? - His wife is good at picking out clothes.

* What do you call a man who expects to have sex on the second date? - Slow.

* What do you call a man with 99% of his brain missing? - Castrated.

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