Independence Revocation

London, 10th November 2000

To the citizens of the United States of America,

Following your failure to elect a President of the USA to govern yourselves and, by extension, the free world, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence. Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume a monarch's duties over all states, commonwealths and other territories.

To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, please comply with the following acts:

1. Look up "revoke" in a dictionary
2. Start referring to "soccer" as football
3. Your language will now be referred to as "American". Actual English will be taught as a second language until mastered by a percentage of the populace.
4. Driving on the left is now compulsory -recall all cars to effect the change immediately.
5. Sexual frequency will be reduced by 75% to bring it inline with the rest of the commonwealth.
6. All Starbucks must serve only tea.
7. Declare war on Quebec

Tax collectors from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all revenues due (backdated to 1776).

Thank you for your cooperation and... cheerio!